…funny things are everywhere.
I realized yesterday that it was a year ago this week that our migration to Colorado began. J had just received his job offer and I jumped on a plane and spent 4 days looking at rentals, schools and therapy providers.
Was it really just a year ago? It feels like a lifetime and a minute all rolled into one. So much has happened in a year and so much more will happen as we go forward (ugh….I shouldn’t try to be philosophical before I have my coffee in the morning…that was terrible).
I have an analogy I like to use to describe my family’s situation right now. You know how when you play a slot machine, you pull the the lever (or, I guess these days you just press a button), and the slots spin around and around, slowing down one by one until they line up along the line? And then you see what you’ve won? I feel like our life is kind of like that slot machine. The first slot has stopped spinning….the kids/school situation. The second one is slowing….J’s job situation. The third one is still spinning and will need to continue until the other two are in place (me!).
To go in more depth about that, I should give a (semi) brief update on how everyone’s doing.
Z is doing amazingly well. When we first got here and he started preschool with his IEP and private therapy services, they had to do a lot of interventions to help him regulate his sensory overloads and learn how to play with other kids. We (J, I, his therapists and the teachers) literally had to teach him how to play. And, not just the turn-taking stuff that every kid has to learn. We also had to teach him to read expressions, understand the give and take of a conversation and how to be flexible enough to allow other people (adults first and then kids) influence the games they were playing without having a complete meltdown when he wasn’t scripting everything. In the beginning, the OT would bring him in from recess early and take him to the ‘motor room’ where she had a swing and a dark, quiet corner where he could wind down. Otherwise, his sensory system completely overloaded with the transition from playground to loud, chaotic bathroom to sitting down in a classroom. By the end of the year, not only was he a part of every minute of the class, he was helping other kids resolve conflicts and the SpEd team was using games/therapies they usually reserve for kindergarteners because he blew through the more age appropriate stuff!
It wasn’t an easy road in the least. I spent a lot of my time driving him to and from school and therapy (he spent 10 hrs a week in school and 10 hrs a week in therapy). But the teams he worked with were all angels…truly seeing my son and his strengths and using those strengths to work through the weaknesses. One example: Z is obsessed with airplanes. Has been for as long as I can remember. So, his school OT created a game where she’d ask him “How is your engine running? Fast, like an F-16? Just right, like a Blackhawk? Or slow, like a Bi-plane?” She used it to help him identify how he was feeling and she altered the traditional usage from Winnie the Pooh (fast like Tigger, just right like Pooh or slow like Eeyore) to something he could relate to. She made charts for school, home and his private therapy so we could all use it. He loved it and was able to identify how he was feeling and we could help him regulate from there.
A year ago, Z would scream when we washed his hair during bath. He HATED getting his hair and face wet and we’d have to take extra precautions not to get water in his face or ears….I think it actually hurt him somehow. We started swim lessons at the beginning of the summer and for weeks he would cry and get upset whenever his teacher wanted him to put his head under water. And then…one day…BAM….he was swimming. Something clicked in that little head of his and now we can’t keep him ABOVE water! He graduated to the next level of swim school. He’s extremely strong and can swim a good ways across the pool underwater. We’re at the pool all weekend, with him jumping in, swimming to us and back to the wall, jumping off our shoulders, playing with older kids…he even ventured into the deep end last weekend! J and I look at each other sometimes and say, “Is that really our little Z?!”
Before we moved here, I heard horror stories about services available in Colorado. How the schools weren’t great, how there weren’t experienced service providers, insurance didn’t cover autism related services, etc etc. I have to say that I’ve had nothing but amazing experiences with everyone who’s worked with Z. They were right about insurance….the situation is abominable….I’ve even thought about getting in touch with Erin Brokovich to see if she could make a difference, but I’ve been a little busy with my own little life so far.
So….Z’s doing so well that we stopped therapy for the summer. I don’t think we’ll be starting ABA again but we are in the process of getting OT rolling again. He’s still got some challenges regulating himself (what 4yo doesn’t, right?) and because of his new school environment (more on that in a minute) we think it’s still important to have outside support.
The biggest change (for me, at least) is my relationship with me. A year ago, he could take me or leave me. He was ALL about Daddy. I would have to coerce affection out of him. For some reason, he just wasn’t interested in hugging and kissing me…or anyone else for that matter…just Daddy. There were nights when I would go into his room to say goodnight when he and Daddy were reading and J would be close to threatening him with timeout so that he’d give me a hug. I always stopped him before it got to that point, satisfying myself with just blowing him a kiss. And, I understood what was going on. But, it still sucked.
He still fights me at every turn. His logical little brain constantly looks for ways to rationalize his way out of doing his chores or anything else I tell him to do. He questions everything and refuses to accept a half answer, which I mistakenly try to give him sometimes. But instead of hitting, scratching, biting, kicking when I say no to him, he (mostly) accepts it. Pouting and telling me he’s mad at me of course…..but a FAR cry from our arguments of a year ago. Folks, he TELLS me he’s mad. Do you understand how HUGE that it?
Anyway, our relationship has changed and evolved into something I treasure. He asks for me to read books to him at night. He asks me to cuddle with him. He comes to me when he’s upset. He freely gives me hugs and kisses, even sometimes without me asking for them. He tells me he loves me and squeezes even harder. Those parents of kiddos on the spectrum that are reading this will understand how unbelievably precious this is. Those parents of NT kiddos…..please cherish each and every hug, they are a blessing. I find myself waiting until he lets go to end an embrace because every hug reminds me of when I used to not get them. And I never want them to stop. Hopefully now they won’t (at least until high school and I’m a constant embarrassment to him).
OK, so now little S….who’s not so little anymore. My baby girl. What can I say about her? Well….not much without getting teary. She’s our angel, she’s our diva, she’s the light of our house and she can just as easily bring our home crumbling down around her with her tantrums. She’s growing a very funny, very sweet, very LARGE personality. Her teachers all love her and comment on her dramatic way of talking. She’s all hand gestures and exaggerated facial expressions. She’s a smart little lady who excels at everything big bro doesn’t: relationships, friends, reading people….street smarts to his book smarts. She’s a tough little girl who won’t back down to bullying by big bro. She’s a natural athlete who can throw a ball better than Z. She’s not afraid of anything and is usually the one leading Z into trying new things (like swimming). She’s my girly-girl who loves all things pink (including her elephants) but is dirty from head to toe at the end of every day. She idolizes big bro, is a Daddy’s girl and has an amazing bond with Mommy. She’s a snuggler and a cuddler and a jokester all in one. What’s the saying? ”When she’s good she’s very very good. And when she’s bad she’s terrible.”? Something like that. Well, that’s my S. She’s stubborn, independent and opinionated. (I have NO idea where she gets that). She keeps us on our toes and laughing all the time. I remember being terrified of having a girl….and now I couldn’t imagine life without her.
So…school. We’ve decided to send the kids to a language immersion school to learn Mandarin. They’re in camp at the school this summer and they both LOVE it. They come home every day with new words, new songs, new friends. J and I are so far extremely impressed with the school, the community, the education….we’re so excited we found this for our kids.
And, because that first slot has stopped moving, everything else can slowly fall into place. The kids are in a great spot…they’ve got their groove on. And it’s so wonderful to see after all we’ve been through.
As for J….well, he’s getting his groove on too. I’ll write more about his marathon in another post (or, maybe have him write it? hmmm….) but as far as getting involved in the Denver community and finding a good job fit…well, it’s all there. Now that my gregarious, outgoing husband is out from behind his desk and doing what he was born to do, his career path is bright and solid. His “thing” this summer is golf and he’s taking full advantage of the Colorado summer to get out on the course and hack away. Recently, he and I began a workout program called Insanity. The workout is hard….insane, if you will. But what’s truly insane is we get up at 5:30am in the morning to do it. Crazy, right? But, it’s been fun. It helps your motivation when the person who’s sleeping next to you is pushing you out of bed when the alarm goes off. It’s motivating to hear the huffing and puffing and under-your-breath swearing going on right next to you. It’s an amazing way to wake up and keep your energy going throughout the day. And, if NOTHING else goes right for the rest of the day, at least you worked out! J and I end every workout high fiving and fist bumping. It’s fun to have something new to do together. And, boy, do we sleep well!
I know I was the driving force behind us moving to CO, but he’s certainly a willing participant. He drank the kool-ade and we’re both loving living here.
And, finally, me. Well, my slot is still spinning. There are a lot of things that still need to be finalized before mine stops. Things like finally selling our house in NC (we have a contract but it’s contingent on them selling their house). Things like figuring out whether I want to/need to and can/can not go back to work full time. And, what will that look like? Where would I work full time? Do I formalize the contract/consulting I’m doing now? Do I want to? And, what’s best for my family? For me? So many questions.
But, that’s all really ok. Because, I’m having the time of my life right now. J and I have dubbed this summer the “Summer of MBA Mommy”. I’m working part time and the kids are in camp all day. I’ve got free time to do the things I want to do (yoga, blog, reading, writing, walking, seeing friends) and free time to do the things I need to do. I’m making some money….not a ton….but not nothing either. I’ve written before about wanting to Be Present in my life and I will write more about Finding Balance. I feel that I’ve struck the perfect balance this summer. Frankly, I feel like I’ve won the lottery. Freedom during the summer in Colorado? There’s not much more I could ask for….well, except for someone to buy our buyer’s house so I can stop my obsessive online house hunting and start for real….anyone in the market for a new house in Raleigh? I know a GREAT one you could buy. 
Because then? JACKPOT.
I am….
. They moved to Hawaii for the lifestyle. She surfs and he cooks. And they’re both awesome at what they do.
