MBA Mommy

Part MBA, Part MRS, Part MOM…..All ME

The Modern Day Circle of Life

Posted by mbamommy on September 22, 2010

Do you remember when divorce was for grownups?  When it was the “D” word that your parents spoke about in hushed voices when discussing family friends?  Or, in my case, openly speaking about it as the norm because my folks were divorced by the time I was 2?  It seemed like such an ‘adult’ thing to do.  And I always thought about it from a kid’s perspective.  How different kids had different custody agreements and how frustrating it could be to go from house to house.  Different rules, different clothes, different phone #’s, etc.  And, how in comparison, I was lucky because divorce wasn’t a big deal for me.  It’s how our family worked and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

J and I reminisce frequently about being on the “wedding curcuit”.  You know, when every weekend of your year is booked with weddings, showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, engagement parties, etc etc?  And all your extra cash goes to flights, hotels, car rentals and wedding gifts?  It was a blast.  You got to go to new places, see old friends, dress up cute, dance, drink, eat and do it again the following weekend.  Kind of like Wedding Crashers, but not with the weird twists….most of the time.

And then we hit the “baby shower circuit”.  Now, weekends were filled with baby showers, “sip and see’s”, making meals for new parents, baptisms, bris’s and buying super cute baby clothes.

Sadly, we’ve hit the “divorce circuit”. No, there’s no parties and no presents.  Just a lot of time on the phone listening, consoling, shaking our heads and wondering what happened or, even worse, looking at each other and saying “Yeah, we kind of saw that one coming”.  And, all of a sudden, I’m thinking about it from the adult’s side.  The anger and frustration and sadness.  The wondering about how it’ll affect the kids and how they’re going to keep it together for their kid’s sake.  I guess the timing makes sense.  I mean my kids are almost 4 and just 2, so we’re right around the age our parents were when divorces were happening.

NO, J and I are not getting divorced.  That’s the beauty and comfort of marrying a Catholic man.  Divorce is a 4-letter word in his family so I’m pretty confident I can act like myself and he’ll still stick around.  Plus, we’re still very much in love.  Even with all the s*#t life’s thrown at us.  I couldn’t imagine doing it without him at my side.

But, it’s sad to think that we know more people getting divorced than getting married or having babies….even their 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies.

What’s next?  The “second-marriage circuit”?

3 Responses to “The Modern Day Circle of Life”

  1. Autiemomkate said

    I sometimes think of the added complication of having a special needs child in the mix. Statistically, the divorce rate is a little over 50%, but add a special needs child, and the odds are much worse, something like 80% (don’t quote me on the exact stat, but it’s very discouraging). As far as I can tell, the only way through this jungle together is to be just as patient and forgiving with each other as you are with your kids. Having similar philosophies or religious backgrounds helps a lot to keep on the same page. Thanks for making me think about this tonight. It’s a good reality check 🙂

    • mbamommy said

      I think 80% is about accurate….sadly. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for everyone when you throw divorce on top of a sped kiddo. Never a top choice to need to do it solo.

      And, I agree with your comments on the tackling the jungle. That and also realize no one’s perfect. And try to ebb and flow with your partner. J and I have become pretty good at yinging and yanging when the other one’s tired, fed up, needs a breather, whatever. Giving each other some slack is huge.

  2. […] The Modern Day Circle of Life September 2010 2 comments 3 […]

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