MBA Mommy

Part MBA, Part MRS, Part MOM…..All ME

Posts Tagged ‘kids’

Last Night

Posted by mbamommy on March 7, 2012

Image

Last night, my evening consisted of:

  • Great kids eating all their dinner and happily splitting the last cookie for dessert
  • Both kids in time out (z with his pants around his ankles) because i couldn’t get them to stop playing long enough to wipe them down (no bath tonight, my call)
  • Every single fire alarm in the house going off at the exact same time (or triggered by each other? dunno)
  • Me running around frantically trying to turn off said alarm because everyone was completely freaked out
  • A dog who hasn’t left my side since said alarm (well, once she agreed with me that it was ok to come out of the closet)
  • A failed attempt at reading books because kiddos couldn’t stop fighting over toys so i sent them to bed without books
  • A failed attempt at discussing said punishment with sarah and telling her i wasn’t going to listen to her screaming and when she was ready to talk, i’d come back in
  • A rushed shower listening to sarah scream at the top of her lungs “i’m ready to talk!”, not to be outdone by zach yelling “mommy, sarah says she’s ready to talk!”
  • A rocking/calming down session with sarah while still in my towel
  • An agreed upon second attempt at books, this time only one and mommy’s choice
  • Two kids pulling out all the tricks to get me to stay in their rooms longer
Stick a fork in me. I’m done.
Advertisements

Posted in MOM | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid

Posted by mbamommy on March 4, 2012

I somehow have never mentioned this book on this blog. And, I’m a little baffled as to how that happened. Because I really should have. I mean, really really really should have.

My sis-in-law sent me this book about a year ago. It’s written by two (VERY funny) sisters who are raising special needs daughters. One daughter has asperger’s syndrome and one has bipolar disorder. Neither of which one would expect to be very funny topics. And, frankly, if I had read this book when Z was first diagnosed, I may not have found as much humor in it. I think you need to be at a certain comfort level with the diagnosis and your ‘new’ life to truly appreciate it.

But I read it at the perfect time. And, it made me cry from laughing so much. From their description of an IEP meeting to chatting with mom’s of “perfect” kids, it was perfect. Light hearted, informational and real. I totally wanted to meet these women and have SEVERAL glasses of wine with them. 🙂

And then I found out that it’s not just a book. That there’s a whole Imperfect Movement out there. There’s a Facebook page. There’s tweets (@shutupabout). And there are lots and lots of parents of special kiddos joining together in support of one another, embracing their (our) own imperfect-ness and our children’s.

And then….in all their glorious imperfect-ness, these “Shut Up Sisters”, Patty & Gina, didn’t update their blog enough. And they decided they needed to let their imperfect readers/followers have a voice. And they asked if anyone wanted to be a guest blogger.

Both of my hands shot up immediately. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, let me be a guest blogger!

And, guess what? They did.

My readership has skyrocketed. My ego has been inflated. My soul has been humbled. And, my writer’s block has been lifted.

So, thank you, Patty & Gina, for everything you do.

And, for those of you interested, BUY THEIR BOOK! (or borrow it from me!) It’s awesome!!!

Posted in ASPERGER'S, AUTISM, MOM | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Play To Your Strengths

Posted by mbamommy on January 25, 2012

My friend Rebecca over at unexpecting! recently invited me to write a blog post talking about Motherhood Lessons for MomsTalkNetwork. You should go read her post about what she’s learned as a Mom: nobody’s perfect. It’s awesome…and so, so true.

I find it ironic that she invited me when she did. I’ve been mulling this idea over in my head for a couple weeks now. There are a million lessons I’ve learned since becoming a mother almost exactly 5 years ago. Give yourself a break. Take time for yourself. Focus on your marriage. Give lots and lots of hugs. Take deep breaths in crisis moments. Cherish the kairos moments. Go to the gym. Etc, etc.

But, what resonates most with me, at least recently, is this idea of playing to your strengths. I mean…..

If you’re a coach of a football team, would you put your quarterback in as a linebacker?

If you’re a soccer coach, would you put your fullback in as your center forward?

If you’re a choir instructor, would you assign a tenor part to a soprano?

If you’re a manager, would you put your IT guy in front of your biggest prospective client?

Probably, not, right? You’d probably play your strongest team member…the one who has the natural inclination, the “at-bats” experience to succeed, the one who has spent time training just for this moment. Not the one who thinks the should be doing it.

So, why in the world do we do that in our daily lives?

I do it all the time when my brain gets going with the “shoulds”. I should be working. I should be stay at home. I should be doing more/less/different than what I’m doing right now. I have this ideal in my head of what my life should look like. And, guess what? It’s not. Not even close. And you know what? That’s ok. It’s more than ok, it’s absolutely perfect in its own imperfect way.

But, I struggle with reminding myself of that on a regular basis. When the should demons start up, that’s when I start getting annoyed at J because he forgot to bring S’s bunny to school when he dropped off the kids one day. Shouldn’t he know better? We ALWAYS bring bunny. And, now I have to go home, grab bunny, bring her to school, sneak in to S’s class without her seeing me and sneak out without Z seeing me through his adjoining classroom. Ugh.

The should demons guilt trip me into doing bath time with J when all I want to do is finish cleaning up in the kitchen, get lunches packed for tomorrow, and then kiss my sweet kiddos goodnight. Because frankly, I’m pretty much out of steam; it’s been a long day, after all. Instead, I force myself to help out, which annoys J because I’m annoyed with the kiddos, which makes for an unpleasant bed/bath time. And then I’m annoyed because after we’re done J sits on the couch and watches TV while I’m in the kitchen cleaning up, packing the lunches (God forbid I let J pack a lunch…he does it all wrong!) and wishing I could just collapse on the couch.

When, in reality, if I stepped out of the situation and did what I wanted to do, it allows J to have his daily quality time with the kiddos and me to finish up my tasks such that we finish at the same time and can collapse on the couch together.

The should demons force me to fight against the natural flow of what my life is. I don’t want to work full time (at least not in a role that requires me to work outside my home…but give me a WASM role that allows for some flexibility? I’m all over it.) and yet I feel like I should be contributing more to our family finances than I currently do. If I were completely honest with myself, I’d admit that I’ve got it pretty good right now. If those damn should demons would sit still and be quiet, I could look around and appreciate my life for what it is.

Here’s a few things I’m really good at: running the house, keeping the kiddos on schedule, running errands, taking breaks for myself, and working on and off throughout the day. I’m good at creating a balance with all the different things I juggle. After 5 years, I better damn well be a ninja master at it.

Here’s a few things I’m not really good at: missing the kid’s school activity because I have to work, spending all day in an office or traveling and not seeing the kids in the morning and at night, having so much stress weighing me down that I can’t see the kids for the sweet little rugrats they are, and letting J take some of the household responsibilities because he doesn’t do them the way I do. It’s not that he does them wrong, it’s that I spend waaayyyy more time at home and if something is off or misplaced or the wrong brand is purchased it annoys me.

So, why….WHY….do those stupid little should demons keep coming back and biting me in the ass?

That’s my biggest Mom lesson so far. Play To Your Strengths. Embrace them and live them like the warrior-ess you are. Recognize what you’re good at with this new life that includes dependents. Do them. And tell those should demons to go suck it.

Posted in MOM | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

An Ode To Shel

Posted by mbamommy on January 24, 2012

Listen to the Mustn’ts

Listen to the MUSTN’TS, child,
Listen to the DON’TS
Listen to the SHOULDN’TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON’TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me–
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.

-Shel Silverstein

Listen to the Should’s

Listen to the SHOULD’S, mama,
Listen to the MUST’S
Listen to the OUGHT TO’S
The HAD BETTER’S, the WOULD’S
Listen to the HAVE TO’S
Then listen to your SELF–
She knows what can happen, mama,
EVERYTHING can be.

-MBAMommy

Posted in MOM | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Welcome to the Club

Posted by mbamommy on December 1, 2011

Next up: Welcome to the Club.  Jess, over at A Diary of a Mom, is hands down my favorite blogger.  She makes me laugh and cry on a daily basis with her stories of her two beautiful girls, one an NT and one with PDD-NOS and pervasive anxiety.  Honestly?  I just want to hug her and grab a cup of coffee with her and chat for a day or two.  She’s THAT amazing. Please, click on the link and go over there and read her post. It’s well worth it.

Posted in ASPERGER'S, AUTISM, MOM | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Here We Go Again

Posted by mbamommy on November 30, 2011

Have I mentioned how much I love living on Colorado? If you happen to follow me on Twitter, you know I’ve mentioned this 1 or 2 times before (ok, fine, it’s round about 100+ at this point). Living in Colorado, I get to make a last minute decision to go skiing for the day, I get to experience 60 degree weather on November 30 only to have it followed by 20 degrees and 3-5 inches of snow on December 1. And, no matter what. No matter what else is going on in my life whether it be good, bad or indifferent, I get to look out my window and see the mountains. It really doesn’t get much better than that.

But, another HUGE reason why I love living here is because I get to continue being a guest blogger for Mile High Mamas. Once a month, they post something I’ve written about Asperger’s and Autism. We only started a few months ago so I’m still telling the story of Z’s diagnosis (haven’t read that yet? Here’s part 1, part 2 and part 3). But, I’m excited to get further into what it’s like living with autism. At least from my perspective. It’s an amazing opportunity to advocate and educate. And, frankly, I love seeing the responses I get over there.

So, take a look, follow them on Twitter, Like them on Facebook. They’re a great website, especially for Colorado Mamas, NT or no).

Posted in ASPERGER'S, AUTISM, MOM | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

You Might Be

Posted by mbamommy on November 29, 2011

So, along with this blog and Facebook, I dabble in Twitter. I can’t say that I’m a big user of Twitter. I tend to go in spurts, tweeting a lot for a week or so and then falling back on it. Honestly, with everything else I try to keep up with I just don’t have the time or inclination.

But there’s been a shift recently. A few weeks ago someone started the hashtag #youmightbeanautismparentif and I somehow got wind of it. And then, all of a sudden, my Facebook updates dropped off, checking my email dropped off and I found myself reading other parent’s tweets throughout the day. And tweeting like crazy myself.

Some of my favorites are:

@red_ambert #youmightbeanautismparentif helping another autism parent means just listening because you understand what they are going through.

@Jasonoldfield #youmightbeanautismparentif you have a therapy room as a living room

@diaryofamom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf the next person who tells you that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle might want to duck.

@trydefyinggrav #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you ignore the judging eyes of others and instead seek out the knowing nods of “us too”.

@helenhamill #youmightbeanautismparentif you wouldn’t change your child for the world- but want often to change the World for your child!

@KristinMacchi #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you’ve thought about including your ABA therapist in your family holiday photo.

@trydefyinggrav #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you are a first responder, teacher, therapist, event planner & financial planner rolled into one.

@DrKyle #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf your child tells a lie and instead of getting mad you think, “Great! We’ve finally hit that dev. milestone!”

@ghkcole #youmightbeanautismparentif you prep to watch parenthood by getting a box of tissues

@robsavva#youmightbeanautismparentif you have to work out if they are being naughty or autie.

@hollyrpeete #youmightbeanautismparentif you are amazed at how much more compassionate kids can be than their parents #autism@HollyRod4kids

And a few I’ve posted myself:

@mbamrsmom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you love that there’s more awareness for #autism #aspergers but hate that it’s because of more diagnoses.

@mbamrsmom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf scenes from next week’s #parenthood where Max goes missing terrifies you.

@mbamrsmom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf ur friend’s offhand comments abt their kid lining up their toys and not looking ppl in the eye makes you pause.

@mbamrsmom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf Dr. Temple Grandin is your hero

@mbamrsmom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you know what a puzzle piece really means

@mbamrsmom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you know what Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein and Bill Gates all have in common

@mbamrsmom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf a staycation is more relaxing than a vacation

@mbamrsmom #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf weighted vests are a piece of everyday clothing not just for a workout

I’ve thought a lot about this list since I discovered it. I’ve read things that have made me laugh, made me cry and made me cringe. Some have made me think “Wow, them too!” and others have reminded me that it could be much much worse. I’m surprised by how many people are out there raising their voices and how much understanding and acceptance they have. I can imagine these other parents reading along with my same half smile on their faces and tears in their eyes.

What I find most striking is the sense that everyone has a love/hate relationship with this Twitter feed. We all seem to be saddened by the fact that it’s been created. No one chose to be in this club. No one truly wants to be involved. But, there is a need. And we’re all thankful as hell it’s been created. It feels like a collective sigh of relief to be able to take a step back from our day to day lives and find the humor in it. To laugh at the bittersweet-ness of it all.

So, go onto Twitter and do a search for #youmightbeanautismparentif.  You may be surprised at what you find.

Posted in ASPERGER'S, AUTISM, MOM | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Welcome to Holland

Posted by mbamommy on November 21, 2011

I’ve decided to re-post/link to a few things I’ve read over time.  No, this is not a way for me to get someone else to write my blog posts for me (although, I guess, they are…so thanks!).  It’s more of a way for me to broaden their messages.  And a way for me to show these writers how much their writing has affected me.  I’ve sent people to their sites multiple times and now I can have a link that my readers can use to find their words.  They’re so impactful. And….I couldn’t have said it better myself. (oh yeah, I went there).

First up: Welcome to Holland.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

Posted in ASPERGER'S, AUTISM, MOM | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Progress

Posted by mbamommy on November 1, 2011

Remember —–>this<—– post about Halloween and snow?

Well, it can go suck an egg.  Not only was trick or treating a complete and utter success this year, but Z even let S ring the doorbell WHENEVER we told him to (meaning we didn’t prep him!!!!!).  Take that “inflexible to transitions”.

And, his comment to me on the first snow day?  “Mommy, can I wear my snow boots and snow jacket and hat and gloves EVERY day?”

Take that “sensory issues”.

Posted in ASPERGER'S, AUTISM, MOM | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Angels Among Us

Posted by mbamommy on October 27, 2011

Last spring, I had the honor of being a judge for the Autism Society of Colorado’s Faces of Autism event.  I had the pleasure of being on a team that interviewed finalists and then had the difficult job of choosing just one winner.  The awards went to professionals in the field, volunteers, citizens of distinction and children who have made a difference.  So it was with enormous pride and quite a bit of choking up that I attended last night’s awards ceremony honoring these individuals who have made a lasting impact on the autism community.

On our way back home, I tweeted this:

Wonderful event. Caught up with friends. Good reminder of our challenges and our angels. Thank you #autismcolorado for a fantastic evening!

It was a wonderful event.  The ASC team did an amazing job with the silent and live auction, the awards presentations and the food was delicious.  But, here’s the thing, all evening long I could barely hold back the tears.  Both J and I wanted to congratulate one of the winners, who was seated at our table, but neither of us could at first.  And then, when we finally got ourselves together enough…we realized HE was as choked up as we were!

Since we came to Colorado over a year ago, J and I have been active with the Autism Society.  I’ve volunteered on their marketing committee and as a judge and J ran the Colfax marathon to raise money for them.  Not necessarily by choice, mind you.   We do it because our son is on the autism spectrum and we have a vested interest in generating awareness and supporting any organization that is there to help him.  We’re involved because we NEED to be.  Many of the people who were honored last night are involved because they WANT to be.  Because they recognize the desperate hole their support, money, time, and love fill.  Knowing that there are people out there willing to help us moves me to tears.  There are angels among us.  And they were out en masse last night.

Autism is not a sexy cause.  It’s scary and weird and most people want to ignore it.  Heck, half the time I want to ignore it.  People are terrified of autism and the mysteries that surround it. But it’s SUCH an important cause.  I won’t bore you with the stats on autism, they’re all over the news and I’m sure you’ve had an ear full.  Forget about the fact that autism costs our society enormous amounts of money.  Forget about the fact that autism diagnoses are much more common now than 40 years ago.  What you should remember is that there are millions of people affected by autism.  And when you’re affected, you can feel alone, scared, isolated, hopeless and helpless.

At last night’s ASC gala, I had a chance to get dressed up and join other people who are living with autism every day.  I had the opportunity to watch an autistic young man perform a beautiful original piece of music.  I had the pleasure of seeing three young women receive awards for their volunteerism.  One of these women has autism herself.  And I had the pleasure of congratulating these young people and I completely understood why they couldn’t look at me in the eye and why they reacted a little awkwardly when I spoke to them.  And, I saw the pride they felt in being recognized.  And the pride in a mother’s face when she heard her daughter converse with me…..even as she was helping her daughter put on her coat and reminding her that there’s a tag in the coat she needed to be aware of.

Last night was a chance to be in a community that understands. That gets it.  It reminded me how important an organization like the ASC is.  And I proudly honor all the angels who, willingly or not, are out there supporting, loving, understanding….and walking this path with me.

So, thank you Betty, Robin, Gwen, Bridget, Justin, Kim, Darlene, Beverly, Angie and all the finalists.  You are my angels and I applaud you.

If you want more information about the Autism Society of Colorado, visit http://autismcolorado.org/.  And, please, consider getting involved and becoming an angel yourself. 

Posted in ASPERGER'S, AUTISM, MOM | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

 
%d bloggers like this: